||[Dec. 8th, 2005|05:26 pm]
Today's topic: Smallville. Or to be more precise, Lana Lang a.k.a Blahna. Possibly the most annoying character on the show. Don't get me wrong...I think Kritstin Kreuk can act but Lana Lang can drive anyone to the edge of insanity. And beyond. Her constant whining about her miserable life and her dead parents and Clark lying to her........snore. So I've decided to post some suggestions fromthe Television Without Pity forum for Smallville. The title of the thread? 101 ways for Lana to rejoin her parents. Enjoy and feel free to make up some of your own.|
*Lana's evil twin, the gothic waste of space known as Blahna, rolls into town, bent on revenge. She and Lana start fighting in front of the Talon and Blahna eventually kills Lana. Clark arrives on the scene a fraction to late, howls in agony, kills Blahna and then retreats to Stately Luthor Manor for some comfort orgasms.
The next day, Clark is given the keys to the city and a licence to marry Lex.
*In order to save Middle-earth, and the sanity of all Smallville viewers everywhere, Clark and Lex haul Lana up to the top of Mount Doom, and toss her in.
*Lex uses Lana as the subject in his latest Clark-related experiment. Hypothesis: All Smallville residents bounce off the hood when rammed by a car at high speed.
Lex's hypothesis is disproved.
*Someone throws a bucket of water on her causing her to melt into a puddle of pink liquid.
*A kryptonite-caused (what other kind is there in Smallville?) occurrence opens a portal that catapults Lana out of the television set into my living room where I strangle her for all the boring drivel she's put everyone through.
*On his way to reveal more information to Clark, Dr. Swann runs over Lana with his motorized wheelchair, turning the Pink into roadkill.
*On the plane to Paris, Lana whines her way into the cockpit, whereupon the pilot, in an heroic humanitarian gesture, steers the plane straight into a peak in the French Alps.
*A most unfortunate baggage claim accident at Charles de Gaulle Airport.
*Lana visits Spain and decides to run with the bulls.
*Lana dies from tertiary syphillis, which she caught from everyone kissing her ass.
*While washing her long, lustrous, time-intensive hair, Lana is struck on the head by a half-empty bottle of conditioner. She immediately runs into the street outside the Talon and shouts, "The sky is falling! The sky is falling!" In a tragic irony, she forgets to look both ways and is flattened by a Clairol truck.
*A house fell on top of her, and then some cheeky little girl in gingham stole her shoes.
*She's playing Quidditch when she gets hit in the head with a Bludger.
*Lana picks her nose, causing her head to collapse.
*Krypto pees on her leg, and she starts melting.
Courtesy of TWoP and all TWoPPers.